I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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