She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
