So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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