Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
where are you?
Hypothermia
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
