Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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