so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
