mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
