I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
