i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I will pee on everything he values.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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