If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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