Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
