I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize