i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
i would one night stand the shit outta him
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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