do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
