My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
