It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
