Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
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