Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
