What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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