i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
