i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
