and you said cock pushups were impossible
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Randomize
