this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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