You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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