that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
