You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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