I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
