as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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