Whod you bang
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
