how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize