i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
