$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
