fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
