I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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