Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
