i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
