I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
