Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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