my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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