Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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