yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
