no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
