You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
