I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
