I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
