i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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