The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
