Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
this is an emotional support booty call
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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