how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
