Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
