You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
