The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
