I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
