Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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