no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
