Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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