a queef is a wish your heart makes.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize