Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
