How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
