Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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