I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
