Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
