i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
