Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
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