maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
