this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
