I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
