what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
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