No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
