I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
