but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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