Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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