Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
