Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
