i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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