The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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