he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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