The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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