If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
She's the barista slut.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
