Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
You took a bar mat shot.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Randomize
