There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
