I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
