Do vagina's smell?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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