Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Randomize
